jealousy redefined (for me atleast)

 The fundamental definition that we all know is that JEALOUSY is an emotion that typically refers to all the negative thoughts and feelings from insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that a persong values a lot ( source: wikipedia)

My first memory of jealousy was when my little brother was just born. He was having mine and everyone's undivided attention all to himself !

As a girl my jealousy were limited to petty things like:
whoa! she is taller than me!

Her dress is prettier than mine and how come she has those beautiful pairs of stilletoes?

The common and universal one: The most beautiful factor!

And the ultimate: The love thing! Admit it. We all have felt jealous when our crush or boy/girlfriend gives the other guy/girl more attention!
These were all out of insecurity.

Well if you ask me now what i am jealous of : I can confidently say that its nothing!
I love my brother a lot! I do have a good height and its perfect for my type of build. So what if my dress is not pretty? I'm comfortable with it and it compliments me! I don't own those stilletoes but my footwear is as much pretty and comfortable! I am beautiful and who are they to judge? As long as I love myself I don't give a damn about what they say. About the love thing, no comments :p Well, in this case I can't ask you guys to not to get jealous. BUT! I can vouch that i'm not a single bit jealous in this case. Let them do what they want. If they truly care for you, their attention would be solely for you! No matter with whom they talk all the day, its you all over their mind!

Jealousy would help you rather you'll get more insecure. You'll end up hurting yourself and thats not good either. So stop worrying and stop getting jealous :) Everything will be alright if you believe in yourself.

 

 

 

zorro (the version that i love - arabic cartoon)

I was studying and humming a familiar tune alongside. I pondered a lot over it and realized it was my favourite tune during childhood. The opening track of Zorro!
Since I was a kid I never failed to miss the "JUST KIDS" episode which used to start at 6:00 pm and continued for an hour (the programme has ended now). It used to show Zorro, Cinderella, Sandokan, Christopher Coloumbus and Simba ( which included some parts of The Tiger King) okay not altogether but yeah half an hour slot for any two series in combo.
But I personally liked Zorro. When the series started I used to get so excited. It used to start with Zorro's transformation to a Messiah to save the ones who needed help, never mind his actual dumb self - Diego! ( not actually dumb but he pretended so, afterall heroes wouldnt like their cover blown up) and his partner Chhota Zorro played by Bernard ( it sounds funny but that series was in Hindi hence chhota zorro) He was the most handsome cartoon character - black flowing cape, black hat, black jackets and black skin fitting jeans :p and a black mask! I would literally swoon as soon i saw him. I fell in love with him at first sight. I would eagerly wait for the clock to strike 6' and hop off to watch zorro. I still have a crush on him!
Each and everytime I saw him enter a scene on his white stallion clashing with those merciless and corrupt officials I was thrilled! And when a fight ended there used to be a "Z" marked on their clothes by Zorro's elegant sword! And this thing was always compulsory for a fatso official, Gonsalves ( he was a good character - a subordinate officer who had to obey his orders to attack zorro).
His girl in the series - Lolita, who loved Zorro but was unaware of the fact that Diego was Zorro himself. I seriously used to pray that Lolita gets to know this somehow and finally in the end Bernard told her  =)
Ah! Zorro. Had he been real other handsomes would have ceased to exist for me!

sumthing bit normal for me..

have you ever laid in your bed and just cried?
all because you think you are not good enough for anyone. you have counted all your flaws from head to toe, making yourself feel worse.
cried because of all the comments that people blurt out, actually hurts?
cried because your family is dysfunctional and never understands u? and they tell you to stop complaining because you have so much better than kids in Africa, even though they dont understand your life either.
you dont want to feel like an attention seeker and bottle yourself up infront of family and friends.
you have created this lying smile and people believe it
but then at night when you are alone in bed the girl who everyone thought was so happy is crying her broken heart out..

 

CORONA..

Look at yourself, staring as if reading something for the first time!
Yes, i am talking about you MONZTER!
Monzter.. hehe! Just beacuse you didn't want the MASTER prefix before your name and yeah thank you for providing me with the best nickname I could have got for you!
In everyone's life there is a person, that special one who simply means everything to them. Well.. for me you are that same person.

FLASHBACK: I get my mom's cell as udhaar and send my first text to you. You instantly reply and I sense that you want to chat (dangerous thing for me at that time). My conscious reflexes compell me to type a quick goodbye. From that day onwards our night chattin session started and how much I loved to blabber those rubbish and typical childish things to you and you would not mind a tiny bit.
Our football chats, craze for songs, your hate for my love - biology and my hate for your love - chemistry, movies, NV talks , not- to- forget "LINKIN PARK" and what not!  I would always wave you goodbye and I wonder why at first I didn't became a "parasite" for you (well I used to be bothersome). Lucky me!  Then came that sad phase.. the most horrible nightmare of my life where I was simply clueless. You held my hand and helped me to get over that horrendous thing! (AND FOR THAT ILL BE GRATEFUL TO YOU THROUGHOUT MY LIFE) .. I guess after then we became more closer. If there had to be a most priceless thing for me it's my inbox ( Ofcourse you are on the first, inbox comes second).. tagging each other in photos and creating a wonderful album! Each and everything of yours is just too precious for me.

For me your smile is everything, to see you in the morn, your infamous grin, your oscillating stature, your love for rainy seasons, your BEEPS.. too simple yet too good! Monzter! you amaze me in every possible way! You know what? You are truly a part of me. If I am poisoned you are my antidote! Numerous problems and with you around they go *PUFF*. See, you mean so much to me. And GOD! what will happen of me without you! ( The thought gives me shivers) I know you will always do that still once again I am saying : JUSt BE WITH ME, BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR A SECOND WITHOUT YOU DUDE!

YOU MAKE ME FEEL BEAUTIFUL
WHEN I HAVE NOTHING LFT TO PROVE
AND I CANT IMAGINE
HOW I MAKE IT THROUGH
COZ THERE'S NO ME WITHOUT YOU...

And now you are gone

A moment ago you were here and now you are not.
Was this destined to be, a preconceived plot,
a farewell kiss and some unsaid words
as you took flight, my migratory bird?
'We will stay in touch' you promised and i am sure
the day we hold hands again will i feel secure.
You acted brave and maintained your poise
and i had to be supportive, though did i have a choice?
Assurance is what my heart gets when left to ponder,
you up there. I know know why they say
"distance makes the heart grow fonder"

                                                        - Aaryan

(these are my favourite lines from my favourite book)