I Died A Death

I was lying there,
counting my last breath
the pain I was going through,
A turmoil in my head

I was paralyzed
and I knew not then
For help i cried, but,
it was all in vain.

The words lost in my mouth
and my lips tasted salt
I bled out the sufferings
as I counted back my faults.

The heavy silence choked me,
and I closed my eyes for the end
I swore on my death,
that i'll return with vengeance!

Why are you so frustrated about yourself?

I know. because you don't live your life, you have always lived other's and that's the reason you don't recognize yourself when you see yourself in the mirror. you want what you don't have and you don't value what you already have. you are never content, you want more! you lust for boys, for love, for popularity!attention! You DON'T love YOURSELF! and that's the reason you can't give love to anyone and they think the love they are getting from you is real. They don't know how much effort you are putting in that fake love. No one can make you understand. Unless you realize your own worth and i don't know how much time it would take. You are lost in your own confusion. that's why you always listen to music. You are an escapist! A coward! 

Am i right? I know i am..

RUNAWAY

there is that feeling when you want to run away, when you want to be alone- just you and the air nothing else.
away from the horrible talks about you, away from the rules of do,s and don'ts, away from the feeling of I-AM-FED-UP.
you want to go to a place of your own where your heart is at ease, where its free like a bird, where your mind feels a little lighter and when you find it the place is yours, solely yours!

ENNUI

eyes sad as a withered rose
the face- drained of the expressions
could there be a greater dilemma?
or was it just a phase?

difficult to hold back the tears,
choking inside along the pent up emotions.
the body set ablaze with agony,
turning the feelings to ashes.

never felt so helpless, alone
with a burden heavier than guilt!
desperate for a way out
in the confinement of my insecurities.

sorrowful days, under cruel eyes
my heart aching to be free
awaiting a rare miracle, if not,
then follow the fate of my destiny!

I still haven't arrived on a suitable title for this poem.. it got me a whole 1 and half hour( i guess) to complete this. so here it goes..

was i that naive
that the deception was not enough
and my heart had to break into countless pieces?

was i that blind
when your promising eyes
allured me, i failed
to see the hatred in them?

was i that deluded
that your truthful lies
were the beautiful things
i loved to believe in?

was i that deprived
that your fake love
was all i wanted
in the story of my life?

the painful blows
showered by your masquerade
were veiled by love
and tethered with false faith

till the truth dawned, unveiling
the impact of your blows
- shattering they were
and got me suffering all way along!

THE WORST OF ME!

Here i go again counting all my flaws back.

i hate it that i suck at conversations
i hate it when i'm never able to decide anything for myself..
i hate it when i depend on others for my decisions and when they already decide i dont like it and end up their way..
i hate it when i always try to be more like someone else and less of being myself..
i hate it when i realise that i'm trying to show off infront of someone less privileged than myself..
i hate it that every time i try to get determined, i fail..
i hate it that i have to fake being so good
i hate it that i'm never straightforward
i hate it when i know that sometimes i end up being so filmy
i hate it that i never enjoy my present, think about my future and ruin both of them..
i hate it that i have to tell lies..
i hate that my hair is so rough and damaged that not even the best shampoos or oil or any remedy is able to treat them..
i hate than i'm never able to change this worst part of me!